I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
