just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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