Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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