I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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