I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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