Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
