Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
