i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize