dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
