words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
