I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
