i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
