my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
