I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
