My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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