Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
