I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
