he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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