I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
