I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
