so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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