You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
