Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And then he peed in my hair
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