I hate your face
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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