why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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