My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the liver wants what the liver wants
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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