I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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