i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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