she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
