smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize