Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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