I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
