Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
