Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
