ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize