Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
