you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
