And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There are leaves in my underwear?
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