Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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