Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
