bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
