capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
