Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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