Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
