The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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