Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
