You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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