im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
