You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
