Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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