Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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