dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize