So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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