office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
