He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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