Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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