Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
