Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
