i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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