I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
