You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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