i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
