Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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