Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
