i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
