The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
