Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
