At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
