she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
