Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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