There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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