I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i now understand why vodka
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
