I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
