so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
