I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
