im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
