New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
