so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
