The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i came on her dog
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
