You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
