Cold hands, warm shart.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
