ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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