You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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