she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
