see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
