Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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