I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
