I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
