I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
