i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
