Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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