I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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