The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
