Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
