So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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