My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
