I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I will be naked everywhere
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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