I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
