Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
