What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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