I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
