dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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