He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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