I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
